A Couple Days Late, But Here It Is

March 18, 2016

Let’s just dive right in here, Mark and I have owned our maintenance business for almost a year now. There’s been a lot of paperwork along the way, and it’s been expensive to insure, bond and be properly licensed to do the scope of work that we do. But this past week has really put me through the ringer as far as paperwork and how much this paperwork will be costing us. In all honesty, if I wasn’t pregnant, I would have done some drinking once the girls were tucked in bed for the night. Now that we are employers, it really puts us in a whole other bracket. 

There are four different agencies that I’ve had to deal with this past week, and they’re all government run. IRS, Labor and Industries, Employment Security and the most perplexing one, DSHS (dept of social and health services). What I find strange about that is that by law, each employer is suppose to report to DSHS each employee that they hire.  I asked why I had to report to them, and was told it was a way to cross reference for people who are running from things such as child supports payments and alimony etc; I find it odd that that becomes my responsibility. Anyways, complex, annoying, extremely time consuming, and expensive can sum up this whole week. To top that all off, I’m almost positive I have 2 more government agencies to connect with before I’m fully up and running. 

On the flip side, this really is a good thing. The fact that we are to the point of needing hired hands, is almost an accomplishment within itself.  It’s definitely a feeling I’ve never felt before, being 100% responsible for another adult in a sense that we are putting food on their table. Honestly it kind of scares the shit out of me. For some financial perspective, if I hire someone at $14/hour, I’m really paying $20/hour after all the fee’s I have to pay as an employer. 

Major lessons learned this week:

1. Don’t put employees on the roof of a house, at least not any time soon.

2. Don’t forget to file your quarterly reports to L&I…you’ll get a bill for $9,300 like I did. 

Aside from the business duties, I have given myself a “day off”…whatever the hell that means. I have a house full of giggly girls as my eldest is having her first sleep over and I’m excited to surprise them later when I make a massive batch of rice crispy treats. They’ve requested tacos for dinner and I already wish it was dinner time so I could have my gigantic taco salad that I always make for myself.  In less than a week, we will know if we are having a boy or girl and as soon as I know that, I’m going to be springing to get both bedrooms ready.  I had a small latte today and it was WONDERFUL! 

I’m ending this note with some chill “Sights” by London Grammar. 

New Beginnings 2016

If the last few years have taught me anything, it would be that things don’t always go as planned.  This isn't a bad thing either, in fact amazing things happened.  We rode some serious waves, and it got real tough real fast. Fear, loss, pain and reflection, deep personal realizations, personal resolutions, frustration, and maybe a lot of anger.  From that came gigantic leaps of faith, love, laughter, understandings, healthy compromises, and freedom. 

In time, and at the right moment I will talk about all of these things, and so much more. But for right now, I guess I should talk about where we, my husband and I, are today.   Today we no longer answer to others.  We have no bosses, except for each other and our cat, Chachi. He needs not say much, but he definitely calls some serious shots around here…meow!  Today we are entrepreneurs, hunters, and gatherers.   All while navigating a household with 2 children, and awaiting the July 2016 arrival of child #3.  I think we might be adding chickens soon, and must learn how to manage that as well…and we’ve been in the market for over 2 years now for the right puppy to come along. Luckily the 5 frogs are low maintenance.  The girls want fish and birds…live bait for boss Chachi. 

We have an 8 year old, who is generally quite, a bit shy at times, and yet so full of life and love.  As time goes by, I can’t help but think that she is exactly like me and it’s pointed out a few things to me that I need to work on. When she opens up she’s just an amazing little adult with endless potential.  She has a ton to give, but isn’t always sure how to dish it out.  We as parents, are doing our best to give her the confidence she needs to excel without limits. She has amazing artistic talents, she comes up with some pretty amazing pictures done with various mediums.  She brings me things that sometimes blow me away!  She’s also my reader, and I hope one day she will know how to write, at least for herself. 

Then we have the 5 year old. This one is a ball of love and tenderness but carries the wrath of fire.  This fire appears in a fraction of a second when triggered and wow it is powerful!  Today she had me write out a promissory note that stated in her own words that I would give her a turquoise necklace that my father brought me from Cairo. She liked this piece so much that she hid it deep in a little box in my room. I have been looking for this necklace for at least a year. Just found it the other day as I was purging my room. So when I “get bored of it, mommy will give her the pretty blue necklace”. A prime example of one of the many levels of her fire. Smart, deadly, and smiles so nicely. 

I have a yard that I have ongoing battles with. In short, we went from the craziest overgrown yard to a kind of sorta easy yard to maintain.  My battle these days is it’s really a lot of yard. There are gardens of various sorts all around with lots of room to run around. Even toned down by like 90%, it’s still a lot to maintain, and garden time hasn’t been on my side.  I have decided that I can no longer keep up with the tender clean freak I once was.  With kids, I would spend all my days keeping house.  Yes, they do a lot themselves, but I don’t expect them to do the parts that I do. So my house these days, is just really well lived in. When it gets bad I do serious cleaning and then let it relax a bit. I’m trying to get out of this at least a little.  It’s hard to do when you’ve taken like a 3 year break from doing it everyday. 

I have gone through intense therapy at the Skagit County Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services, and I owe a ton to these other women for the help they provided me in my acceptance, understanding, healing, and moving on from the violence I once barely lived to tell.  The things you learn about others and yourself when going through this kind of therapy is overwhelming, and in good ways!  Looking back, it’s unbelievable how tightly I managed to bottle everything up and hide it from others without ever talking to anyone about it.  It would have slowly consumed me. I feel I am now free of it, and have managed to let it go. 

I have let go of a lot of things, and a lot of people that were holding me back from growing into who I am suppose to be.  Some of  these people I have let go, no longer have whatever hold they had on me.  I am free of them, and they can continue to make their own environments toxic for themselves.  I will be absent from it.  The other people I have chosen to distance myself with, all have good intentions, but I see some serious emotional and mental issues that I don’t want to pass onto my daughters. The cycle of denial, sickness, and innocent ignorance stops with me. I will not allow it to be passed on any longer. This too, has only allowed for growth in me as a wife and mother. 

I will end this note with “Money For Nothing” by Dire straights. Goodnight!